No Baby Shall At Any Time Be

On Vacations: We Hit The Sunny Beaches Where We Occupy Ourselves Keeping The Sun Off Our Skin, The Saltwater Off Our Bodies, And The Sand Out Of Our Belongings.

A Grandmother Pretends She Doesn't Know Who You Are On Halloween.

Phrases And Their Actual Meanings: My Teacher Has Never Liked Me. Expect A Phone Call Before Lunch From The Teacher Informing You That Your Child Has Been Launching Hot Dogs By Compressing Them Inside A Small Thermos And Then Removing The Lid Quickly.

Kids Are Without A Doubt The Most Suspicious Diners In The World. They Will Eat Mud (raw Or Baked) Rocks, Paste, Crayons, Ball-point Pens, Moving Goldfish, Cigarette Butts, And Cat Food. Try To Coax A Little Beef Stew Into Their Mouths And They Look At You Like A Puppy When You Stand Over Him With The Sunday Paper Rolled Up.

When A Child Is Locked In The Bathroom With Water Running And He Says He's Doing Nothing But The Dog Is Barking, Call 911.