My Mom Gave Me One Of Those

Some Mornings, It's Just Not Worth Chewing Through The Leather Straps.

I Think My Ex-girlfriend Has Weekly Lessons With The Devil On How To Be More Evil. I Don't Know What She Charges Him.

I Got A Letter From The Irs. Apparently I Owe Them $800. So I Sent Them A Letter Back. I Said, If You'll Remember, I Fastened My Return With A Paper Clip, Which According To Your Very Own Latest Government Pentagon Spending Figures Will More Than Make Up For The Difference.

A Mormon Told Me That They Don't Drink Coffee. I Said, "a Cup Of Coffee Every Day Gives You Wonderful Benefits." He Said, "like What?" I Said, "well, It Keeps You From Being Mormon ..."

You Know What I Hate? Indian Givers... No, I Take That Back.