My Girlfriend Just Told Me I Am

Friend Of Mine Just Told Me He Used To Be A Bad Alcoholic. I Calmed Him Down. Told Him He Was A Good Alcoholic Just A Horrible Drinker.

If Someone Sprays Windex In Your Food It Can Give You Diarrhea. But Once You Wipe It Off Your Windows, You're Fine.

I Just Had A Pedicure. My Feet Are Soft Like A Baby's Behind. If His Ass Was Covered In Calluses.

I Don't Censor Myself, But I Don't Want To Force My Sick-skewed Version Of The World, Either.

Yet There Are Some People - Steve Allen Would Dissect Comedy Forever; He's A Really Funny Guy, But He Would Love Talking About Comedy. I'm Doing It Right Now And You All Seem Bored.