My Computer Beat Me At Checkers, But

When I Was A Kid My Parents Used To Tell Me, "emo, Don't Go Near The Cellar Door!" One Day When They Were Away, I Went Up To The Cellar Door. And I Pushed It And Walked Through And Saw Strange, Wonderful Things, Things I Had Never Seen Before, Like... Trees. Grass. Flowers. The Sun... That Was Nice... The Sun.

Now There's A Seven-day Waiting Period To Buy A Gun. Who Can Stay Mad That Long?

Don't Wear Fur! Did You Know, A Single Fur Coat Takes Fifteen Trees, Just For The Protest Signs?

I Don't Know If I Have Sexual Magnetism Or Animal Magnetism, Though Sometimes I'll Find A Squirrel Stuck To My Forehead.

I Used To Think That The Brain Was The Most Wonderful Organ In My Body. Then I Realized Who Was Telling Me This.