Men Do Not Settle Down. Men Surrender.

The Only Reaction That Frightens Me Is People Not Laughing. It's Extraordinary To Me When You Get A Laugh. That You Can Go In Front Of A Bunch Of People You Never Met Before, You Can Say Some Stuff And They All Laugh In Unison - That's Amazing. It's A Miracle.

I Used To Work At Mcdonald's Making Minimum Wage. You Know What That Means When Someone Pays You Minimum Wage? You Know What Your Boos Was Trying To Say? "hey If I Could Pay You Less, I Would, But It's Against The Law."

Not A Harvard-type Education, Just A Not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type Education.

Men Are Handicapped When It Comes To Arguing, 'cause We Have A Need To Make Sense.

Charlie Brown Is The One Person I Identify With. C.b. Is Such A Loser. He Wasn't Even The Star Of His Own Halloween Special.