Martha Stewart Published Her Recipe For Disaster

The Big Story Now Is That President Bush Is Coming Under Attack For His Service In The National Guard. The White House Said, 'no No,' That They Have Payroll Records To Show That He Served In The National Guard. But Today, The Commanding Officers Can't Remember Seeing Bush Between May And October Of '72. President Bush Said, 'remember Me? I'm The Drunk Guy. Remember Me?'

There Are Now More Obese People In The United States Than There Are Overweight People. I Think It's Safe To Say That After All These Years, Diet Coke Is A Complete Failure.

Some Democrats Say The Estimated $60 Billion Dollar Cost Of A War With Iraq Could Be Better Spent At Home. When He Heard That, President Bush Agreed And Announced Plans To Bomb Ohio.

The Hot Gossip In Washington Is That Condoleezza Rice Might Have A New Boyfriend. Secretary Of State Rice Is Being Linked To Canada's Foreign Minister, Peter Mackay. It's Gotta Be Awkward Dating A Fellow Diplomat. Like Today, Mackay Had To Promise Condi He Would Get Permission From The U.n. Before He Invaded Her.

The Fbi Is Urging All Americans To Beware Of Any Letters Or Packages That Have Badly Misspelled Words. Man, This Is Going To Be Terrible News For The Rap Industry.