Marco Rubio's Presidential Campaign Has Raised $40

Ben Carson Actually Lost A Tooth. Which Explains Why He Said That Under His Leadership, Americans Would Be Entitled To 'life, Liberty, And The Purthuit Of Happineth.'

Hillary Clinton Wrote An Op-ed For A Paper In Iowa About Her Plans To Help The Middle Class. Middle-class Americans Said, 'why Didn't You Just Say That In A Speech?' And She Said, 'because I Charge $200,000 For A Speech.'

When I Was A Kid, You Would Tune In To "the Tonight Show" Before You Went To Sleep. Johnny Carson. A Big Treat. I Know It's A Privilege Of Mine To Be Able To Be In People's Homes. So I Hope I Make Everyone Proud, Including My Parents, And Do A Good Job In This.

In A Recent Attack Ad, The Nra Claims That President Obama Cares About His Own Children More Than He Cares About Other Children. In Response, President Obama Was Like, 'yeah, That's How Families Work.'

A Girl In New York Whose Parents Were On Wife Swap Is Suing The Show For 100-million Dollars For Making Her Look Like A Spoiled Brat. Note To Girl: Guess What Else Makes You Look Like A Spoiled Brat? Being 15 And Suing For A Hundred Million Dollars.