Ma'am, Are You Trying To Molest Me

True Love Is When You're Cheating On A Person But The Thought Of Them Still Makes Your Eyes Smile!

I Feel Like People Who Don't Brag Are Trying To Make You Jealous By Thinking They're Hiding Something More Even Exciting.

When You Hand Someone A Camera, Why Do They Act Like You Just Asked Them To Dissemble A Bomb? They Take It And They're Like, 'what Do I Do ... I Don't Really ... Ha-huh ...' Yeah, It's The Button On The Top Right Where It Always Is Since The Beginning Of #*@! Time!

You Have To Have A Strong Sense Of Humor To Date Me, And Also Know That You're Probably Going To Be A Part Of The Routine Quite A Bit.

Here's How You Know That You're Really Drunk: When You Get Into A Taxi Cab And You Think The Fare Is The Time.