Like All Great Theologies, Bill [o'reilly]'s Can

Hey, Single Malt Scotch, Youre Thirty Years Old. When Are You Going To Settle Down And Get Married To My Stomach?

President Bush, Have A Hot Dog With Me.

Internet Users, That Blue Screen Of Death You Were Looking At This Morning? That's The Sky. If You're Still Confused, Look It Up On Wikipedia Tomorrow.

There's Nothing Wrong With Being Gay. I Have Plenty Of Friends Who Are Going To Hell.

And My Daughter Said, 'why Are You Yelling At Us?' And I Said, 'i'm Trying To Discipline You!' And Then She Looked Up At Me With Her Tear-stained Eyes And Said, 'this Is How You Teach Children, By Making Them Cry.' And It Was Such A Clenching Reminder - She Won Not Only The Argument, But She Won Life With That Statement. I Just Burst Out Laughing, And I Think They Were So Surprised That I Burst Out Laughing, That They Did Too.