Last Night I Asked My Husband, 'what's

Because I'm The Only Performer Who Comes Out And Says I've Had Plastic Surgery, I've Become The Plastic Surgery Poster Girl, Which Is Hilarious, Because Everybody Has Done It And They All Deny It. They Stand There, Like The Bride Of Frankenstein, They've All Got Stitches, And They All Say, 'i've Done Nothing.' I Talk About It.

And Since We're All Adults Here, Let's Be Brutally Honest-most Babies Are Not Actually Attractive. In Fact, They're Weird And Freakish Looking. A Large Percentage Of Them Are Squinty-eyed And Bald And Their Faces Are All Mushed Toegther, Kind Of Like Renee Zellweger Pushed Up Against A Glass Window.

Dogs Are Easier To Love Than People; They're Certainly More Dependable. Once They Love You, That's It. A True Friend In Life Is A Dog.

A Woman Went To A Plastic Surgeon And Asked Him To Make Her Like Bo Derek. He Gave Her A Lobotomy.

Two Is Company; Three Is Fifty Bucks.