I've Only Got A Fraction Of The

Writing Is A Performance Art For Me. They're Very Closely Aligned, Writing And Performing. But I'm A Writer, Not A Performer.

I'm Certainly Not A Linguist. I Learned What Languages I Could Learn In Order To Read Books And I Can't Really Speak Them. I Couldn't Have Stayed Out Of Jail In Most Of Them.

Here Was My First Lesson On The Resolutely Maintained Untidiness And Ill-health Of The English Upper Orders. In Baggy Evening Dress And Old Before Their Time, They Displayed Gapped And Tangled Teeth In Loosely Open Mouths. Gently Shedding Dandruff, They Lurched Across The Lawn. When They Stood At The Bar They Looked Like Lee Trevino Putting.

The Entrée Wasn't Tender Enough To Be A Paving Stone And The Gravy Couldn't Have Been Primordial Soup Because Morphogenesis Was Already Taking Place.

Dinner Was Meat - Not Hunks Of Meat, As In Australia, But Pathetic Scraps Of Meat, As In Britain - Which The Girls Upstairs Transformed Into Edible Dishes By Heating It In Secret Ways And Adding Bits Of Stuff To It.