It's Just Gods Way Of Getting Babies

I Think There Are Bound To Be Obstacles In Any Path To Success. I Mean, I'm Jewish, And There's Nothing I Can Do About That. Instead Of Sitting Around And Feeling Sorry For Myself, I Got Over It And Did Something With My Life.

In April 1975 I Was Born And The Vietnam War Ended. I Could Not Let Any American Die In War Before Seeing An Episode Of Scrubs.

Look On The Bright Side; That's One Bullet That's Not Going To Hit Me.

Retarded Kids Are The Best. When They Ask For An Autograph I Just Fake Sign A Picture And Tell Them That It's In Invisible Ink And It Will Show Up Later. They Totally Buy It. It Saves Me A Fortune In Markers.

Sometimes, I Go To Barnes & Noble With The Sole Intention Of Moving All Copies Of The Bible To The Fiction Section.