It's All Been Satirized For Your Protection.

The New York Times - But The Whole Country Gives It That Weight. It's Like The Asian Kid In Math Class. Everybody In The Media Cheats Off The New York Times.

Mitt Romney, Who Is On Record Saying That He Would Not Waste Money Going After Bin Laden, And On Record Saying He Would Not Violate Pakistan's Border To Get Bin Laden, This Week Said, 'of Course I Would Have Gotten Bin Laden.' Even His Etch-a-sketch Went, Seriously?

If You Believe Jesus Ever Had A Good Word For War Or Torture Or Tax Cuts For The Rich, Or Raping The Earth, Or Refusing Water To Dying Migrants, Then You Might As Well Believe Bunnies Lay Painted Eggs.

First They Didn't Believe In Evolution. Then They Didn't Believe In Global Warming. Now The Debt Ceiling. What I Call 'the Moron Trifecta.'

When Those Myths Were Created, When The Bible Was Written, Man Didn't Know What An Atom Or A Germ Was, Or Where The Sun Went At Night, Or Why The Women Got Pregnant. [laughs.] They Needed Stories To Answer The Questions.