In Hollywood, Oscar Is King.

New York City Has 2 Million Rats. We Used To Have 8 Million Rats. Now We're Down To 2 Million. You Know What That Means? We Lose Four Electoral Votes.

Do You Know What I'm Going To Do When I Retire? I Hope To Become The New Face Of Scientology.

Everyone Has This Sense Of Togetherness Right Now. For Example, One Guy On The Subway Today, He Wanted To Share My Pants.

By Accident Jeb Bush Announced That He Was Running For President. And Then He Said, 'no, Not Yet. Ok, I Made A Mistake.' And Then Later In The Day, By Accident, He Called Hillary And Congratulated Her.

When Martha Gets Out She'll Be Under House Arrest In Her Big $40 Million Mansion In Bedford. Boy, That'll Teach Her. She's Only Allowed Out Of The House For Doctors Visits, Grocery Shopping, Or To Dump More Stock.