In England, Nobody's Your Friend.

The Formula For Achieving A Successful Relationship Is Simple: You Should Treat All Disasters As If They Were Trivialities But Never Treat A Triviality As If It Were A Disaster.

It Is Explained That All Relationships Require A Little Give And Take. This Is Untrue. Any Partnership Demands That We Give And Give And Give And At The Last, As We Flop Into Our Graves Exhausted, We Are Told That We Didn't Give Enough.

If Love Means Anything At All It Means Extending Your Hand To The Unlovable.

I Had A Friend Who Had Two Degrees Of Being Made Up: When Invited I Would Say 'can I Make Up?' And He Would Say 'oh Yes - Tinted?', Or He Would Say, 'oh Yes - Clotted?'

The Trouble With European Cities Is That They Are Drenched In Their History, Almost All Of Which Is Terrible.