In Another Show Of America's Force To

I Love To Engage In Repartee With People Who Are Stupider Than I Am.

Teddy Kennedy's Big New Idea Is To Wheel Out His 18th Proposal To Raise The Minimum Wage. He's Been Doing This Since Wages Were Paid In Spanish Doubloons (which Coincidentally Are Now Mostly Found Underwater). Kennedy Refuses To Countenance Any Risky Schemes Like Trying To Grow The Economy So People Making Minimum Wage Get Raises Because They've Been Promoted. Kennedy's Going Down And He's Taking The Party With Him! (recognize The Pattern?)

So Now It Turns Out That Thomas Jefferson Was Having Sex With Sally Hemings While Serving In The 101st Airborne During The Vietnam War.

How Can Rogue Terrorists In Iraq Detonate Bombs? They're All Too Busy Flying Kites With Their Children! Hasn't [katrina Vanden Heuvel (queen Of The May At The Fun-loving Nation Magazine)] Seen Fahrenheit 9/11?

We Don't Want Someone Who Will Get 98 Percent Of The Vote. We Want Someone Who Will Get 51 Percent Of The Vote.