In An Interview, President Obama Said He

This Is Interesting. Researchers Have Found That People Who Drive Drunk Are More Dangerous On The Road Than Drivers Who Are High On Marijuana. Don't Get Too Excited. It's Mostly Because The Drivers Using Marijuana Are Just Sitting In The Taco Bell Drive-through.

A New Helicopter Service Called Gotham Air Is Now Offering Users Cheap Flights From Manhattan To Jfk Or Newark Airports That Start At Just $99. If There's Two Words I Trust Together In The Same Sentence, It's 'cheap' And 'helicopter.'

I Saw That Donald Trump Is Selling His Penthouse Suite At The Trump Park Avenue Building Here In New York City For $21 Million. When Asked Why He's Selling It Now, Trump Said 'hey, Americans Seem To Be Buying Everything Else I'm Selling, So Why Not Strike While The Iron's Hot.'

Republicans In Congress Are Getting Concerned That President Obama Will Try To Use The Final Year Of His Term To Push Through Too Many Controversial Laws. Obama Would've Responded But He Was Busy Drafting His New 'mandatory Mexican Gay Weed' Bill.

Mike Huckabee Said He's The Only Person Who Has Fought The Clinton Political Machine And Won. As Opposed To Democratic Candidate Bernie Sanders, Who's The Only Person Who Fought A Fax Machine And Lost.