I'm Very Lazy, I Hate To Work.

I Think Humor Is Warmer, And Wit Is Colder. Wit Is Judgment, Whereas Humor Invites Some Sort Of Response.

They Know You Can't Get People To Stop Smoking, So They Develop A System Of Informants. That's The Whole Idea Of Second-hand Smoke, You Know. Make Second-hand Smoke Dangerous And Turn Everybody Against Smokers. Then They Say You Can't Even Smoke In A Bar - A Bar! - Because Bartenders Have A Right To A Smoke-free "workspace." Ah, Bartenders, Those Health Nuts.

I Have Friends, Some Of Whom Are Spectacularly Good Writers, Who Really Want Someone To Edit Them. I Don't Register That Impulse. It's Like The Impulse For Wanting A Dog.

I'd Like To Decide Who Comes Here. I'd Like To Be The Admissions Director Of New York.

Calling A Taxi In Texas Is Like Calling A Rabbi In Iraq.