I'm Really More Prolific Than Most Stand-ups.

The Position Of First Lady Has No Rules, Just Precedent, So Its Evolution Has Been At A Virtual Standstill For Years. If Martha Washington Didn't Do It, Then No One Is Sure It Should Be Done.

I Like To Work On New Year's Eve. It Has A Nice Spirit; A Nice Feel About It. If You Are All About The 'year-end' Thing At All, Then Laughing With Fellow Human Beings Is A Great Way To Start The New Year.

What Moron Said That Knowledge Is Power? Knowledge Is Power Only If It Doesn't Depress You So Much That It Leaves You In An Immobile Heap At The End Of Your Bed.

It Is My Wish To Die Of Unique Causes, Perhaps In A High-speed Tricycle Crash, A Bizarre Stapling Incient, Or As A Result Of Inadvertently Sucking My Brains Out Through My Ear While Trying To Untwist The Vacuum Hose.

There Are Really Only So Many Foods And So Many Ways You Can Prepare Them.