I'm Not A Big Fan Of The

If The Audience Is Responding Very Well To Comedians That Are Hacks, And I Don't Do Well, I Don't Feel As Bad, Because I Feel Like Their Taste Is Different Than Mine. They're Laughing At Somebody I Would Never Laugh At, So That Makes It Okay, Because Obviously Our Tastes Are Not In The Same Place. And Comedy Is Subjective, So I Feel Like Maybe The Failure Wasn't All Mine. I Don't Think They Ever Would Have Really Enjoyed Me. So Sometimes That's A Little Easier, But Not Much.

Boy, Does That Give You Street Cred For Years After, If You Tell People You Were On 'the Larry Sanders Show!'

When I See Guys In Bars Wearing The Real Fitted Kind Of Calvin Klein V-neck T-shirts I Just Want To Go Up To Them And Be Like, 'oh, Do You Work Out? Your Tricep Looks So Great - Thank You.'

We Got Married Drunk In Vegas . . . We Dated For A Year, And We Got Married At A Drive-through Chapel In A Cab. [we Thought] You Have To Go Down To The Courthouse And Sign Papers And Stuff, So Who Knew? We Were Married, And Apparently Now That [rob] Is Getting Married For Real, His Lawyer Dug Up Something.

People Think That You Are A Nasty, Selfish Person If You Don`t Want To Have Children.