I'm A Wiseass And A Smartass, And

Because You Think An Explosion Has Taken Place And You're Looking At The Shards And You Say, 'well, Can We Put This Back Together?' And By God, Maybe You Can Put It Back Together. And Maybe It Won't Be The Same, But Maybe It Will Be Different, And Maybe It Can Even Be Better In A Different Way.

You Know Kim Jong Un, The Evil Dictator Of North Korea? Apparently, A Guy In His Inner Circle Used His Ashtray While Smoking And Kim Jong Un Had Him Executed. I Remember The Same Thing Happened When A Guy Used Martha Stewart's Personal Lemon Zester.

You Like Science? You Enjoy Science? Always Use It For Good, Never For Evil. Can You Promise Me That?

It's So Warm Now, And Thanksgiving Came So Early - Is It Just Me, Or Does It Not Really Feel Like Ramadan?

The Winner Of The Westminster Dog Show Gets To Drink Champagne - Out Of The Toilet.