If You're Doing Nothing Wrong, You Have

...why Were You Happier When You Were A Kid? Because You Didn't Know Anything. The More You Know, The Sadder You Get.

America Cannot Afford A Rally To Restore Sanity In The Middle Of A Recession. Did You Even Consider How Many Panic-related Jobs That Might Cost Us In The Fear-industrial Complex?

Writing And Producing The Show Is An Intellectual Process. Performing The Show Is Far More Athletic And Intuitive, Because You Don't Get To Do It Twice. It Helps If You've Done Whatever The Old Saw Is, 10,000 Hours Of It. Because I've Done 10,000 Hours Of Comedy, I Have This Database In My Mind Of What Works And What Doesn't Work.

You Seem Cynical Because You're Always Talking About That Selfish Behavior That's Dressed Up As Altruism. It Doesn't Mean There Isn't Altruism. It Just Means That It's Harder To Make Jokes About Altruism.

Mitt Romney's Email Was Hacked! So If You Start Getting Messages That Sound Like They're From A Bot, He's Fixed The Problem.