If You're An Actor And You Don't

This Made No Sense To Me, Probably Because I Speak English And Have Never Had A Head Injury.

According To A New Study, Women In Satisfying Marriages Are Less Likely To Develop Cardiovascular Diseases Than Unmarried Women. So Don't Worry, Lonely Women, You'll Be Dead Soon.

I Think Someone Should Design Exercise Machines That Reward People With Sex At The End Of Their Workouts, Because People Will Perform Superhuman Feats For Even The Faint Hope Of That.

Even When I Was At 'snl,' I Didn't Do Impersonations. I Always Wanted To Be The Kind Of Person Who Could Do Them - I Always Thought They Were The Coolest Thing On The Show - But I Didn't Have Any Experience.

A New Poll Showed That 66% Of Americans Think President Bush Is Doing A Poor Job Handling The War In Iraq And The Remaining 34% Think That Adam And Eve Rode Dinosaurs To Church.