If You'd See My Schedule, You'd Know

The Gym Teacher's Name Was Mr. Caruso. Mr. Caruso Did Not Speak English. He Spoke 'gym.' One Day I Was Playing Basketball And Mr. Caruso Told Me I Would Have To Get An Athletic Supporter. He Didn't Express Himself Exactly That Way, Though. He Said, 'hey, You, One Day You're Gonna Go Up For A Rebound And The Family Jewels Aren't Gonna Go With Ya.' I Had No Idea What He Was Talking About. Next Day I Showed Up For Practice Without My Watch And My Mezuzah. He Said, 'did Ya Take Care Of The Family Jewels?' I Said, 'i Left 'em In My Locker.' Took Us A Half Hour To Revive Mr. Caruso.

I've Got A Portrait In The Smithsonian. Who Ever Thought That Would Happen?

I Didn't Even Graduate From High School. I've Never Told Anybody That Before. I Got My Degree Later, When I Was In The Army.

Everywhere I Go, I Feel Strange.

My Wife Tells Me One Day, 'i Think You Love Baseball More Than Me.' I Say, 'well, I Guess That's True, But Hey, I Love You More Than Football And Hockey.'