If You Want To Be Happy For

Global Warming, The Ongoing Destruction Of The Planet, Third World Debt, The Uselessness Of The Railways, The Takeover By The Corporations, The Scary George Bush Person: All These Things Are Important And Should Be Animating Me Into Outrage. Yet Somehow They Do Not.

If You Want To Be Happy For A Short Time, Get Drunk Happy For A Long Time, Fall In Love; Happy Forever, Take Up Gardening.

The Best Way To Prepare For A Night Out With A Shakespearean Tragedy Is To Do A Bit Of Reading Up In The Afternoon, Eat A Light Supper - Perhaps Welsh Rarebit - And Then Arrive Early To Do Some Stretching Exercises In The Foyer Before Curtain-up.

Ninety-eight Per Cent Of Laughter Is Nothing To Do With Jokes, Which Do Not Deserve To Bear The Weight Of All The Funny Stuff In The World.

If You Want To Write Something Of Length, However Modern And Radical, You Must Live The Life Of An Elderly Gentleman Of The 1950s.