If Only Those Old Walls Could Talk...how

A Man Gets On A Train With His Little Boy, And Gives The Conductor Only One Ticket. 'how Old's Your Kid?' The Conductor Says, And The Father Says, 'he's Four Years Old.' 'he Looks At Least Twelve To Me,' Says The Conductor. And The Father Says, 'can I Help It If He Worries?

I Have Often Wondered How They Manage To Get Return Envelopes Which Miss, By One-quarter Of An Inch, Fitting The Blank You Are Supposed To Return. They Say, "please Fill Out And Return The Enclosed Envelope," And The Enclosed Envelope Is Always One-quarter Of An Inch Too Small.

The Most Common Of All Antagonisms Arises From A Man's Taking A Seat Beside You On The Train, A Seat To Which He Is Completely Entitled.

Defining And Analyzing Humor Is A Pastime Of Humorless People.

The English Language May Hold A More Disagreeable Combination Of Words Than "the Doctor Will See You Now." I Am Willing To Concede Something To The Phrase "have You Anything To Say Before The Current Is Turned On?" That May Be Worse For The Moment, But It Doesn't Last So Long. For Continued, Unmitigating Depression, I Know Nothing To Equal "the Doctor Will See You Now." But I'm Not Narrow-minded About It. I'm Willing To Consider Other Possibilities.