If My Jeans Could Talk, They'd Plead

When I Was A Kid And We Used To Play Post Office, I Was The Dead Letter Office.

We Named All Our Children Kid. Well, They Have Different First Names, Like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .

There's Such A Buildup Of Crud In My Oven, There's Only Room To Bake A Single Cupcake.

Would You Believe That I Once Entered A Beauty Contest? I Must Have Been Out Of My Mind. I Not Only Came In Last, I Got 361 Get-well Cards.

Have You Ever Known Anyone Who Bought A Fruitcake For Himself? Of Course Not. They Are Purchased As Christmas Gifts, Mostly For People You Don't Particularly Like.