I Wasn't Much Good. When I Went

One Of The First Things That You Learn As A Stand-up Is, You're The Boss. It's Your Stage, And Don't Screw With Me Because I'll Make You Look Bad, Which I Had To Do, Because You Wind Up With Drunks And Loud People.

Because Of The Spin-meisters And The Focus Groups And The Way Politics Is Run Now. It's Run By Polls And Focus Groups. So It's Even More True Today, I Think, Than It Was Some 40 Years Ago.

Television Series Are Like The Stock Market. There's Room For Bears And Bulls But No Room For Pigs.

One Of The First Things You Ever Learn As A Stand-up Is Don't Show Fear.

I Don't Like Country Music, But I Don't Mean To Denigrate Those Who Do. And For The People Who Like Country Music, Denigrate Means 'put Down'.