I Want You To Stay. I Never

If Killing Yourself Is Not An Option Anymore, You Have To Sink Into The Darkness Instead, And Make Something Out Of It.

A Lot Of The Time In My Recurring Dreams, Before I Was Diagnosed, Iconic People Would Either Be Good Or Evil Figures. I Remember Dreaming Really Basic Stuff Like Trying To Navigate The London Underground, But Then Paul Newman Would Be The Only One Who Would Direct Me To The Right Trains. And I'm Trying To Remember Who Would Direct Me To The Wrong Ones.

When I Am In A Relationship, I Don’t Wear Lipstick At All. I Hate The Smearing, The Retouching, The Constant Throb Of Phoniness As You Surreptitiously Check The Damage In Your Compact Between Kisses. I Wear Lots Of Mascara To Compensate, Different Colors So I Don’t Get Bored. When I Am About To Break Up With A Guy, He Has Full Warning Because I Start Wearing Lipstick Again.

In Other Words, It Was A Struggle With Himself. And The Product Of That Struggle: Anger, Bitterness, Resentment, Envy Or Transformation, Aspiration, Hope, Decency..the Product Of That Struggle Is The Quality Of Your Life And The Nature Of Your Soul.

Thank God The Internet Didn't Exist When I Was 15, 16. I Knew People Were Tearing Me Apart, But My God, If There Had Been A Net And Commenters And I Would Have Been Reading Them - It Was Bad Enough As It Was. To Grow Up In The Media Eye, I'm Glad It Happened, But That Was Definitely Not Healthy Being Around Adults All The Time.