I Want To Spend Time With Oprah

I Hire People That Are Good, And Aren't Crazy. Or Assholes. Because That Takes Up Too Much Time. There Are Just As Many Good People Who Are Not Crazy.

This Requires A Level Of Delusion/egomania Usually Reserved For Popes And Drag Queens

Television Is A Runaway Train That You Have To Get On For Nine Months Of The Year. But At The Same Time, It Has A Wonderful Immediacy.

I Am Going To Dedicate Myself, Full Time, To My Day-drinking.

Every Morning, When Alaskans Wake Up, One Of The First Things They Do, Is Look Outside To See If There Are Any Russians Hanging Around. And If There Are, You Gotta Go Up To Them And Ask, 'what Are You Doing Here?' And If They Can't Give You A Good Reason, It's Our Responsibility To Say, You Know, 'shoo! Get Back Over There!'