I Thought You'd Like It," He Said,

Friend Tim Shakes Hands With Perfect Specimen Of Mankind. Will Never Wash Right Hand Again.

Nice To Know I Have That Effect On Boys. I Mean, Christopher Doesn't Even Know I Exist, And Brandon Stark Practically Throws Up When He Sees Me. Having My Brain Transplated Into A Supermodel's Body Was Doing Wonders For My Love Life.

When He Smiled, Something Strange Happened To My Insides. It Was Like They Turned To Liquid.

This Was Very Exciting. I'd Never Had Two Boys Get Into A Fight Over Me Before. The Fact That One Of The Boys Was My Stepbrother, However, And Held About As Much Romantic Appeal For Me As Max, The Family Dog, Somewhat Dampened My Enthusiasm. And Michael Wasn't Much Of A Catch, Either, When You Actually Thought About It, Being A Potential Murderer And All. Oh, Why Did I Have To Have Such A Couple Of Losers Fighting Over Me? Why Couldn't Matt Damon And Ben Affleck Fight Over Me? Now That Would Be Truly Excellent.

It Just Goes To Show That What One Person Considers A "bad Attitude" Might Actually Just Be Total Frustration Over Being Pushed Beyond The Brink Of One's Mental And Physical Endurance.