I Think Vacations Are Mostly Completely Stupid.

If People Would Only Look To The Cookie, All Our Problems Would Be Solved.

There's Very Little Advice In Men's Magazines, Because Men Don't Think There's A Lot They Don't Know. Women Do. Women Want To Learn. Men Think, 'i Know What I'm Doing, Just Show Me Somebody Naked.'

Being A Good Husband Is Like Being A Good Stand-up Comic - You Need Ten Years Before You Can Even Call Yourself A Beginner.

What The Hell, I'll Just Eat Some Trash.

Let's Face It: A Date Is A Job-interview, That Lasts All Night. The Only Difference Between A Date And A Job Interview Is: Not Many Job-interviews Is There A Chance You'll End Up Naked At The End Of It.