I Think I've Lost 3lbs - I'm

I Have No Sex Appeal, Which Kills Me. The Only Way I Can Ever Hear Heavy Breathing From My Husband's Side Of The Bed Is When He's Having An Asthma Attack.

I Was So Ugly That My Parents Sent My Picture To 'ripley's Believe It Or Not' - They Sent It Back And Said, "we Don't Believe It."

My Breasts Are So Low, Now I Can Have A Mammogram And A Pedicure At The Same Time.

Obama Came In And Said He Was Going Turn Everything Around, And You Can't. Give The Guy A Break. But I Question A Lot Of What's Happening. It's Certainly Going To Reflect In My Vote, But Who Else Is There? It's A Horrible Time, Because People Vote Party Lines Instead Of What's Good For The Country. I Think The Whole Health Care Issue Turned So Ugly, Because Of Party Lines, And That's Not What That's Supposed To Be About.

Everyone Thinks Angelina Jolie Was The First Celebrity Baby Hoarder, But She Wasn't. Before Angelina There Was Mia Farrow. Mia Had An Entire Farm Full Of Children. I Think She Got Them At Costco.