I Should Never Have Switched From Scotch

"the Whole World Is Three Drinks Behind. If Everyone In The World Would Take Three Drinks, We Would Have No Trouble. If Stalin, Truman And Everybody Else In The World Had Three Drinks Right Now, We’d All Loosen Up And We Wouldn’t Need The United Nations.

[on The House Un-american Activities Committee] They'll Nail Anyone Who Ever Scratched His Ass During The National Anthem.

I Don't Hurt The Industry. The Industry Hurts Itself, By Making So Many Lousy Movies - As If General Motors Deliberately Put Out A Bad Car.

All You Owe The Public Is A Good Performance.

There Never Seems To Be Any Trouble Brewing Around A Bar Until A Woman Puts That High Heel Over The Brass Rail. Don't Ask Me Why, But Somehow Women At Bars Seem To Create Trouble Among Men.