I Prefer Being Totally Sober Myself.

You Should Really Treat Stand-up Like You Would A Play. It's A One-man Play.

I Like The Brand Band Of Outsiders. Their Suits Are Cut Really Slim, For Smaller Framed Gentlemen.

The Four Sweetest Words In The English Language — 'you Wore Me Down.'

I Strapped An Mp3 Player To One Of Those Floor-cleaning Robots. Call Him Dj Roomba - Little Guy Cruises Around And Plays Music. What's Hot, Dj Roomba!

Why Would Anyone Get Married And Have Babies? That's The Dumbest Idea I've Ever Heard In My Life. Or The Scariest Thing I've Ever Heard In My Life.