I Mean, I'm A Writer, Actor, And

My Tears Cure Cancer Too, It's Just That I Laugh At Cancer Patients.

Oh Sure, I Have A Few Black People In My Family Tree. They're Probably Still Hanging There.

The Easiest Way To Lose Something Is To Want It Too Badly.

Retarded Kids Are The Best. When They Ask For An Autograph I Just Fake Sign A Picture And Tell Them That It's In Invisible Ink And It Will Show Up Later. They Totally Buy It. It Saves Me A Fortune In Markers.

I Think Sports Are Very Beneficial In The Fight Against Obesity. I Remember Playing Little League - I Was The Best Person On The Pitch By A Long Shot. It Was Only Last Weekend Actually, I Think I Have Some Photos Of It If You're Interested.