I Love The Truth. It's The Facts

To Sit Here At The Same Table With My Hero, George W. Bush...i Feel Like I'm Dreaming. Somebody Pinch Me. You Now What, I'm A Pretty Sound Sleeper, That May Not Be Enough...somebody Shoot Me In The Face.

I'm A Satirist, So I've Got Boxing Gloves On If The Person Is Worthy Of Satire. But I'm Not An Assassin.

I Hope People'll Find Out Pretty Quickly That The Guy They Saw For 10 Years Was My Sense Of Humor The Whole Time.

It's Much Better To Invite The Audience To Be Part Of Your Show Rather Than Saying, "i Command You To Do This." The Other Thing Is, You Have To Follow Through. If You Initiate A Game And They Take Part, You Can't Stop Until It Reaches A Mutually Satisfying Resolution.

The Liberal Gluten-free Agenda Is Turning Our Dogs Lesbian.