I Love Nature, In Spite Of What

When I Turned 50, I Threw Myself A Big Birthday Party, And I Looked Seriously At What My Life Has Been About. I Recommend This To Everybody. Ask Yourself, "what Have I Done? How Did I Do It? Where'd I Mess Up? Where Did I Do Well?" When I Did This Assessment Of My Life, I Said To Myself, "it Was Really Good." I Made A Lot Of People Laugh, Made A Lot Of People Cry In A Good Way, Brought A Lot Of Joy To People, Picked Up A Lot Of Garbage. And In All Those Years, I Saw A Lot. I Went To Foreign Lands. I Met Interesting People. And I Got It!

If You Pick Up A Ukulele, It Will Make You Unbelievably Happy.

When You Reach A Certain Age, You Have Fulfilled Your Childhood Dream And Whatever Your First Or Second Adulthood Led You To Do. Then You're In Your Third Adulthood, The One That Leads To The Grave, And You Ask Yourself, "what Will I Do Between Now And Then?" Instead Of Thinking In Terms Of Glamour, You Start Thinking In Terms Of Reform - Your Contribution To The World.

I Celebrate Everyone's Religious Holidays. If It's Good Enough For The Righteous, It's Good Enough For The Self-righteous, I Always Say.

I Decided Years Ago Not To Read Stories About Myself Anymore. Each One Is A Potential Minefield: Whatever It Says, You're Bound To Take It The Wrong Way. Why Do It If You Know It's Going To Make You Miserable?