I Like To Smoke A Pipe, Because

An Escalator Can Never Break: It Can Only Become Stairs. You Should Never See An Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order Sign, Just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry For The Convenience.

The Commercial For Diet Dr. Pepper Says It Tastes Just Like Regular Dr. Pepper. Well, Then They Screwed Up!

Earlier I`ve Done Hatever I Could Get My Hands On To Do For A Living. I Tried A Couple Of Different Things, But Kitchen Work Was The Best For Me, Because I Took To A Nomadic Lifestyle Before I Started Doing Comedy. If You Travel And Get To A Town And Need A Job, Restaurants Are Always There.

I Was Going To Stay Overnight At My Friend's House - He Said, "you'll Have To Sleep On The Floor." Damn Gravity! You Don't Know How Bad I Wanted To Sleep On The Wall.

I Want To Get A Job Naming Kitchen Appliances. That Seems Easy; Refrigerator, Toaster, Blender. You Just Say What The Thing Does And Add "er".