I Like Mitt Romney. He Looks Like

John Kerry Went Duck Hunting And He's Doing That To Fulfill His Campaign Pledge To Hunt Down The Ducks And Kill Them Wherever They Are! Kerry Did Pretty Well; He Came Back With Four Ducks And Three Purple Hearts.

Newt Gingrich Says He Wants To Get Rid Of Social Security. Who Is More Qualified To Give This Country Financial Advice Than A Guy Who Ran Up A Half-million Dollar Bill At Tiffany?

I Vote Democrat Because I Love The Fact That I Can Now Marry Whatever I Want. I've Decided To Marry My German Shepherd.

Tomorrow Is Our Final Show. That Is Unless It Rains, And Then There Will Be A Rain Delay. We'll Probably Make It Up In A Doubleheader Around Labor Day.

The United States Has Launched Airstrikes Against Isis. It's Being Called 'operation Approval Ratings.'