I Know How To Write. So I

I Always Look At Myself Knowing That I Will Have A Certain Degree Of Cognitive Distortion.

I Talk To Friends Who Get Their Feelings Hurt When They Read Twitter Mentions. I Have An Amazing Solution - Don't Read Twitter Mentions.

When I Was 17, I Read A Profile Of Carol Leifer. Since Then, I Wanted To Be Her. I Still Want To Be Her.

When You're A Comic, It's Like Being Born Gay. It's What You Want To Do Every Night When Your Other Friends Are Out At Night Going To Parties.

Jesus Is Magic, Because He Turned Water Into Wine. I Think He Made The Statue Of Liberty Disappear In The 80s Or Something.