I Have The Gift Of Laughter. I

As A Child My Family's Menu Consisted Of Two Choices: Take It Or Leave It.

When I Do An Hour-and-a-half Show, If I Don't Improvise 20 Minutes Worth Of New Material Each Night, I Feel I've Let Myself Down.

Ninety-nine Percent Is In The Delivery. If You Have The Right Voice And The Right Delivery, You're Cocky Enough, And You Pound Down On The Punch Line, You Can Say Anything And Make People Laugh Maybe Three Times Before They Realize You're Not Telling Jokes.

The Menu Of My Mother Consisted Of Only Two Choices: Leave It Or Take It

My Wife Said To Me, "i Want To Be Cremated." I Said, "how About Tuesday?"