I Have A Song About How Much

If You Have Sex, It Should Be For You, Not For The Other Person.

Thankfully, Beauty Is Easier To Remove Than Apply, And A Swipe Of Demaquillage In The Right Direction And You Are You Once Again.

When I Was 14, I Told My Mother I Was Going To Drop Out Of High School And Go Do Stand-up Comedy. All She Said Was 'oh Maybe It's Better If You Just Die,' Because It Was Killing Her That I Was Doing This.

I Always Wonder Why Republicans Hate Gay Marriage, Because They Certainly Don't Hate Gay Prostitutes.

If I'm Talking To A Guy Who's Straight And Cute And Single, I'm Like 'are You A Unicorn?'