I Feel So Confident And Awesome And

Scientology Is Weird Because It's New.

I Don't Really Like Saying "the Gays"... I'm Not Sure Why. I Suppose I Say "the Jews." But I Don't Say "the Blacks." I Guess Because I'm A Jew For All Intents And Purposes And To Group People Together Of Which I Am Not One In Such A Casual Way Feels Disrespectful.

Mommy Is One Of The Chosen People … And Daddy Believes That Jesus Is Magic!

Since So Many People These Days Don't Seem To Start Their Families Until Around Age Forty, I Predict There Will Be Less Child Beating, But More Slipped Disks From Lifting Babies Out Of Cribs. Even The Father Of Advanced Age Who's Not Inclined To Spare The Rod Is Likely To Suffer More Than His Victim: The First Punch He Throws Might Well Be The Last Straw For His Rotator Cuff, Reducing His Disciplinary Options To Mere Verbal Abuse And Napping.

Jesus Is Magic, Because He Turned Water Into Wine. I Think He Made The Statue Of Liberty Disappear In The 80s Or Something.