I Enjoy Life When Things Are Happening.

Everyone Thinks Angelina Jolie Was The First Celebrity Baby Hoarder, But She Wasn't. Before Angelina There Was Mia Farrow. Mia Had An Entire Farm Full Of Children. I Think She Got Them At Costco.

I Knew I Was An Unwanted Baby When I Saw That My Bath Toys Were A Toaster And A Radio.

She's So Fat, She's My Two Best Friends.

Your Anger Can Be 49 Percent And Your Comedy 51 Percent, And You're Okay. If The Anger Is 51 Percent, The Comedy Is Gone.

You're College Graduates Now, So Use Your Education. Remember: It's Not Who You Know, It's Whom.