I Don't Have A Drinking Problem. I

I Love To Sing, And I Love To Drink Scotch. Most People Would Rather Hear Me Drink Scotch.

It Takes Only One Drink To Get Me Drunk. The Trouble Is, I Can't Remember If It's The Thirteenth Or The Fourteenth.

None Of Us Kids Had A Middle Name. We Were Lucky We Had Any Name At All. By The Time My Mother Got Around To Naming One, There Was Another On The Way.

I'm At The Age Now Where Just Putting My Cigar In Its Holder Is A Thrill.

Everyday Happiness Means Getting Up In The Morning, And You Can't Wait To Finish Your Breakfast. You Can't Wait To Do Your Exercises. You Can't Wait To Put On Your Clothes. You Can't Wait To Get Out. And You Can't Wait To Come Home, Because The Soup Is Hot.