I Didn't Really Want To Kill Myself,

As A Performer You Are Being Used To Keep People Watching So The Commercial Endorsements That Support The Network Can Be Seen By As Many People As Possible.

People Who Have Babies Tell Me I Will Know A Love That Is Beyond Anything I Can Imagine, And A Joy That Is Indescribable. Love And Joy? That Sounds Horrifying. I Have No Way Of Knowing Whether I Can Handle Either Of Those. I'm Much Better With Need And Fear. They Are What Ground Me.

For 15 Years Of My Life I Smoked, I Drank, I Used To Do Drugs... But During That Time, I Never Once Thought I Was Going To Die. But The Second I Set Foot On A Stairmaster -the Second- I Am Sure My Heart Is Gonna Explode And Blood Is Gonna Spray Out Of My Nose.

Is There Any Indication We Shouldn't Be Depressed - Are You Living On The Same Planet That I Am? Do You Ever Think That Depression Might Be The Reasonable Human Response To The Crap We're Going Through As A Species, Meant To Propel Us Into The Next Evolutionary Step, Or At Least Into Taking Some Different Course Of Action So We Might Survive? Do You Ever Think That Maybe It's The Happy People That Are Really Screwed Up In The Head?

I'm Sad To See The Passing Of The Great Drug Warriors. I Certainly Did My Part In That Battle And I Don't Regret Any Of It.