I Deliver My Truth Hot And Hard.

I Gotta Tell You, I Do Not Envy Whoever They Try To Put In David Letterman's Chair. Folks Those Are Some Huge Shoes To Fill, And Some Really Big Pants.

Thirty Seconds Is The Exact Amount Of Time Americans Can Tolerate Something They Don't Understand.

In Order To Maintain An Untenable Position, You Have To Be Actively Ignorant. One Motto On The Show Is, 'keep Your Facts, I'm Going With The Truth.'

There Hasn't Been A Scandal This Big At The C.i.a. Since (classified) Committed (censored) To (redacted).

I'm Not Here To Affect You Politically Or Socially. I'm Here To Make You Laugh. I Use The News As The Palette For My Jokes.