I Can't Predict The Future And I

It Is More Profitable For Your Congressman To Support The Tobacco Industry Than Your Life.

My Material Is As New As Anything On The Dinner Table. What Difference Does It Make If I'm 70 Or If I'm 20? The Audience Knows They Aren't Getting Any Old Stories From Me.

As A Class, Jews Give Three Times As Much Money To Charity As Anybody Else, But They Feel Guilty About Their Wealth Anyway. They Simply Can't Accept The Idea Of Ever Being Republicans.

All The Democrats Do Is Bicker. They're Not Concerned About The War Or The Fate Of The United States Of America. They're Desperate Characters.

On The Murder Of New York Deli Owner Abe Lebewohl: It's Almost Like Wiping Out Carnegie Hall. A Sandwich To A Jew Is Just As Important As A Country To A Gentile.