I Buy Smoked Mackerel In A Vain

I Think Actors Go Along A Continuum From Simon Callow Down To Kind Of Ross Kemp, And I Like To Think Of Myself As The Ross Kemp Of Comedy. He's Very Good In 'east Enders' Because He Plays A Version Of Himself. I Think I Can Play A Version Of Myself - That's About All I Can Do.

Usually, What People In The Public Eye Do Is Pick Two Charities And Just Exclusively Work For Them. But That Means You Have To Turn People Down All The Time, So I Try And Do Something For Everyone That Asks Me, At Least Once.

You Don't Really See Ugly People That Are Old, Or A Bit Grotty And Smelly, In The Media. If A Martian Came Down, They Would Think We Were All Tall, Thin, Attractive And Wealthy.

There Are Two Types Of People In This World: One Who Opens A Packet Of Biscuits, Has One And Puts The Rest Back In The Cupboard, And One Who Eats The Whole Packet In One Go.

I Like Reading, I Like Boring Things, And Yet I Think People For Ages Had This Image Of Me That I Was On The Tube With A Chainsaw Looking For Any Likely Candidate.